It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
