Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
