best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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