my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
