I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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