I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
