What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
