I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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