The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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