Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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