you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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