Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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