I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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