if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize