apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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