out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
