I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
