I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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