im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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