think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
