I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
