I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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