Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
