Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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