I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize