I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
