how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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