He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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