So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
