I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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