I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is not my ceiling
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
