just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
