So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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