Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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