u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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