just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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