Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
