sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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