is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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