don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
