Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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