forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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