Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
