my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
