so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
