i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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