Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
