It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
