i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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