Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
