I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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