you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
