I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
