Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
