I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
