ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize