the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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