So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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