just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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