Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
