Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
