I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
