Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
