i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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