yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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