I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
