Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Found the puke drawer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
