I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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